Here's some background: One of my first jobs was in a psychiatric rehabilitation job that was full-time after graduating college. I loved this experience, but it was stressful for me. When working FT, my office was right in the middle of the "milieu" area and the office was bright yellow. I had constant visitors. The bright yellow was very abrasive and I think it wore on me over time. I burned out in about 3 months of my 10 month position there. I continued to enjoy working with clients but was constantly stressed and didn't know what to do about it. So I told myself I never wanted to be a full-time clinician because I couldn't handle it. I thought it was just a personality flaw that I was too anxious or too sensitive to work 1-1 with people 40 hours a week. I knew I'd have to do some clinical work with my training, but accepted the fact that I'd never be a clinician.
My view of myself as a non-clinician continued until 2016 when I started my first clinical experience with some skills and more knowledge under my belt. This job completely flipped my career path plan 180 degrees. The work was more rewarding than any other job I had. I saw people improve drastically and built real therapeutic relationships with people. However, along with this experience, the stress has continued.
I recently discovered a personality trait called "Highly Sensitive Person" (HSP). This is defined by people who are very sensitive to a range of things: sensory information, social interactions, hunger, pain, etc. This has been eye-opening for me and has helped me gain insight into this trait and how to harness it.
I think being an HSP as a therapist is a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, I feel that I often am attuned to how people feel and subtle changes they show. My sensitivity to this can enhance the therapeutic alliance with empathy or simply bringing my observations to light. On the other hand, sometimes clinical work can be overwhelming for me. Too much social interaction is tiring for me (both as an HSP and an introvert). When people are feeling intense emotions, I feel it too. When I have a full day of therapy, I'm exhausted.
I've been thinking about self-care lately because I went over the edge recently. I was feeling really anxious for a few weeks. I had a socially-busy weekend coming up. On the first event on Friday, I did not want to go out but decided to anyway. I told myself "Just stay out a little while. You can go home early, but showing up is important to maintain friendships." So I went out. The event was in a busy area of town, and parking took about 10 minutes. As soon as I parked I received a text saying that plans had changed location, so I had to re-park. At this point my anxiety was building from the busy environment, stimulation, parking, people, etc. I was annoyed but decided to "go with the flow" of the plans. So I drove to the new location and looked for parking. This area was even worse. Only parallel parking was available. Cars were all around. Pressure was mounting. I tried parking 3 times with no success. I didn't realize how high my anxiety was until I had a low-level panic attack while driving. So I went straight home and tried to calm down. I lied on the couch and got under the covers. I put on my favorite self-care movie "Little Miss Sunshine" and hung out with my cat.
That night, I had a lot of time to think. I thought about the past week. I realized I did not once take a lunch without working through it. I did not have one work day less than 9 hours. I did not eat enough green veggies. I thought, "Wow. What terrible self-care." And the past few weeks before this one were almost equally as bad. I've always been told, as a therapist, you have to take care of yourself first to take care of your clients. Self-care is something I know is important, but I never really think about it. But after this week, I realized how important it is. I decided to stay in that whole weekend to recharge. Even though I felt guilty for cancelling on my friends, I knew staying in was what I needed more than going out.
I have to remember to listen to my body and mind and take care of both. My job as a therapist is so important to me. But I can't be an effective clinician if my insides are deteriorated. I have my own battery that needs to be recharged daily. I think HSPs need even more self-care than someone who isn't an HSP because of the "easily overwhelmed" quality. I've thought about self-care before in its relationship to being an introvert. But realizing the addition of being an HSP has increased my awareness of self-care even more.
I am the type of person who sometimes has to go past my limits to realize them. I will use this experience to remember my boundaries of self-care. Prevention and maintenance are very important in self-care and maintaining mental health. I went over the edge that week and do not want to experience that again. It might happen, but I will do my best to remember my own boundaries.
