Clinical Work is a Challenge

Today I am thinking about how challenging clinical work (and being a Psychologist) is.

Lately I've thought about the intimacy of individual therapy specifically.  I currently work in a long-term inpatient hospital, so most individuals are in the early stages of their recovery. Many have not accepted that they have a mental illness, and are doing their best to disentangle their experiences. So, when clients share their experiences with me, I feel very fortunate to have gained a level of trust that allows this.

The experience of psychosis seems very scary and can include extreme paranoia and hallucinations. When these symptoms aren't controlled, they can take over your whole being and be very overwhelming. I can completely understand a person questioning whether or not this experience is a "mental illness" or if it's reality. If something so powerful and compelling to surround your world, it is your experience, which is your reality. I think being in the system focuses a lot on labels, which are very difficult to comprehend in the early stages of recovery. Labeling your experience as a "mental illness" has its pros and cons, and I think each person has the right to interpret their experience however they want.

I really love doing therapy with individuals diagnosed with schizophrenia. Last year, I really hated therapy (I think this was because of the setting I worked in) and a few years ago, I hated clinical work (I think that was due to lack of experience and other factors). This year has made me question (again) my career path. I'm starting to feel like I need to do clinical work in some capacity. I feel like my skills will be wasted, and they could be used for good. I love research, too, but I need to figure out how to balance the two.

People often ask me how I became interested in schizophrenia -- well, that's a complex question with many answers. One of my answers is because I really do love it, and I think my strengths as a clinician fit well with this population. Also, there are unique challenges that accompany the diagnosis, and I believe being a schizophrenia specialist is valuable. So, I've put a lot of energy over the past 10 years in learning and working with this population. Maybe this is why I've felt overwhelmed at times while at the hospital, or after a long day of clinical work. So much of my energy is often devoted towards my specialization, and this year I've really had the opportunity to put these skills to the test. I really care about the people I work with, and hope the best for them. Maybe I put pressure on myself. But that's OK. I want to live up to my potential and really help those in need. Everyone deserves to live a meaningful life. I seek the skills necessary to make this possible for as many people as I can help.

I am feeling very contemplative today. I look forward to returning to the hospital on Monday...